I judge by what she’s wearing 
Just how many heads I’m tearing 
Off of assholes coming on to her 
Each night seems like it’s getting worse 
And I wish she’d take the night off 
So I don’t have to fight off 
Every asshole coming on to her 
It happens every night she works 
They’ll go and ask the DJ 
Find out just what would she say 
If they all tried coming on to her 
Don’t they know it’s never going to work 
They think they’ll get inside her 
With every drink they buy her 
As they all try coming on to her 
This time somebody’s getting hurt 

Here comes the next contestant 

Is that your hand on my girlfriend? 
Is that your hand? 
I wish you’d do it again 
I’ll watch you leave here limping 
I wish you’d do it again 
I’ll watch you leave here limping 
There goes the next contestant 

I even fear the ladies 
They’re cool but twice as crazy 
Just as bad for coming on to her 
Don’t they know it’s never going to work 
Each time she bats an eyelash 
Somebody’s grabbing her ass 
Everyone is coming on to her 
This time somebody’s getting hurt 

Here comes the next contestant 

Is that your hand on my girlfriend? 
Is that your hand? 
I wish you’d do it again 
I’ll watch you leave here limping 
I wish you’d do it again 
I’ll watch you leave here limping 
There goes the next contestant 

I’m hating what she’s wearing 
Everybody here keeps staring 
Can’t wait ‘til they get what they deserve 
This somebody’s getting hurt 

Here comes the next contestant 

Is that your hand on my girlfriend? 
Is that your hand? 
I wish you’d do it again 
I’ll watch you leave here limping 
I wish you’d do it again 
I’ll watch you leave here limping 
I wish you’d do it again 
Each night seems like it’s getting worse 
I wish you’d do it again 
This somebody’s getting hurt 

There goes the next contestant